Swans

This is not a movie review...

Black Swan.
I just watched it for the 2nd time and felt the same as I did the first.
This is an amazing thing to me.
I'm not about to say that you should run out and see it; it's definitely not for everyone.

For me, it's not about the character development, the plot, the themes, the pretty costumes (though all these things are wonderful)... it's purely a reflection on the ability to write a captivating story. I feel incredible.


The first time I saw it, I felt like I was in a daze all the way home. In fact, I was intoxicated by it and I shouldn't have been driving. That's not an exaggeration, I almost drove through a busy intersection because my mind was in LaLa Land!

This isn't the first time I've felt this way about a movie but it's the most recent and in light of my new journey (this blog) to figure out who I am as an artist and what creations I'm capable of, I have to say, this is exceptionally worth reflection.

When I watch a great film or read a great book (films more so because I'm right brained, so I absorb information through imagery and sound rather than text), I get so inspired to create.  Both inspired and intimidated, actually.  I sit in my daze and wonder "how did someone come up with this?" I run the movie through my head over and over, pausing at intense moments to think hard about what EXACTLY made that moment what it was.  Often, my arms and legs feel funny or... somehow not present. All the energy in my body is so concentrated in my brain waves that I kind of forget about everything else attached to me and when I remember to notice my arms or legs (like when I need to hit the break!) I'm almost surprised to come back to the reality of having a body.  And I think, how silly is that?! Then I realize, it's not silly at all; it's incredible.

This is what great musicians feel when they hear a perfect harmony, when they write the perfect bridge. This is what great dancers feel when music takes a hold of them and they lose themselves in motion. This is an amazing and important feeling to find in yourself. Is this what true inspiration feels like? I'm riveted.

The writing in Black Swan is so simple, but so complex at the same time.  It doesn't sway you away from the topic and get you lost, it dives right into the topic, breaking the surface of the character and really getting in to it, understanding every thought, every emotion, every feeling, every shiver (literally). It studies the psychology of the characters, or people in general.  There is so much thought put in to every scene, ever sentence.  Every moment puts me in creative awe.

I empathize with the cast, crew and characters, I feel the joy they must have felt when they realized they had created such a powerful beast.

But most of all, I feel a very strong resonance in my belly.  It haunts me for hours afterwards.  It tells me that I can do this; I have the capacity not only to understand the depths of this production, but to create it.  And that means I can create one of my own.  I know, in my heart, in my stomach that I am capable of creating something amazing.  It's just so hard to be patient in figuring out what it is.